The 7 Stages of Getting Drunk

Stage 4: Decision time

One more shot? Or water? This is the turning point. One more drink and you’re officially in messy drunk territory.

Stage 5:Mood shift

“Happy Drunk” was 3 shots ago. “Mean Drunk” is still an hour or so away. Now you’re emotional drunk. The mood has shifted and this is about when your friends start pawning you off on each other as they try to escape your tortured, slurred narrative of your most recent break-up. It’s all downhill from here.

Stage 6:Drunk Texting

Or tweeting or snapping or whatever the kids do these days. It doesn’t matter who it is or what you’re saying, it’ll never be a good idea. Never. But by now alcohol has removed any last vestige of reason. Tomorrow you can text your ex and tell him you got hacked. Tonight he’s getting a picture of your ass and a 600 word analysis of your 4 month relationship.

Stage 7:Hold my beer

The final stage. You won’t remember anything after this but luckily you live in the digital age, the internet is forever and your friends are recording everything like the assholes they are.

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