Everyone has some idea of what would be that one thing that would cause them to end a relationship. It’s usually something obvious like violence and that’s a good thing, don’t get me wrong. There are other things that spell complete doom for any long-term relationship or marriage that shows up early and often gets dismissed. They are red flashing warning signs of doom and they should be deal breakers and you shouldn’t dismiss them. Here is a list of 7 deal breakers that I wish I knew about 20 years ago.
1. Excessive Drinking. Excessive is really the keyword here. Most adults enjoy a good cocktail on the weekends or even after a hard day at work. There is a mighty big difference between enjoying an adult beverage or even partying hard occasionally and partying till you vomit or get a vicious hangover on the regular. The former is most of us in our 20’s, the latter is a red flag that alcoholism may be on the horizon. Alcoholism destroys people, families and marriages. My 1st marriage was killed by alcoholism. The damage often can’t be undone and trust me when I say you can never save an alcoholic from themselves. The only thing you can do is save yourself and your children if you have any.
2. Lying. Relationships are built on trust and honesty is the foundation. If you don’t trust the person you’re with then you have nothing. I’m not a lying absolutist either. Little white lies that are told to spare someone’s feelings are not what I’m talking about at all (e.g. Do I look fat in this? No!) those are ok. Now lying to you because they don’t want to face or deal with your wrath/emotions or whatever is different.
e.g., Who were you talking to? My Mom. Checks phone sees it was ex-girlfriend. Why did you lie? Because it was innocent but I just wasn’t in the mood for your drama.
Lies like those lead to other, bigger lies and trust evaporates. It’s not worth the mental anguish and self-doubt to stay in that type of relationship.
3. Infidelity (Emotional or Physical). When one half of your partnership has sex with someone else it’s rarely survivable. Women are more likely to forgive a one-time physical transgression than men are…on the flip side women are much less likely for forgive their partner telling someone else that they love them. Once emotions are involved, it’s over. Trust me when I tell you that forgiveness is much easier than forgetting and rebuilding trust. It will never be the same once you have been betrayed.